Shame & Food: Why We Need to Change the Conversation
We’re moving this weekend, and I’ve been craving pumpkin pancakes—one of my go-to comfort foods.
When Selena and I first met, weekend breakfasts were our thing. We’d blast The Lumineers, whip up eggs, kale, mushrooms, lots of garlic, and pancakes. Later, when we went on coastal getaways with our pandemic pod, that breakfast became our tradition.
So now, with a big move ahead, my sentimentality is in full force—along with an uptick in craving pancakes. The two days we’re home together? You bet I’m making a batch.
At first, I hesitated to share this recipe because I got stuck in a story: Shouldn’t recipes be “nutritious,” “healthy,” and “protein-packed”?
Then I woke up from my own nonsense and came back to the truth—who says they aren’t?!
I see this all the time, in myself and in the folks I work with. We’re so incredibly hard on ourselves when it comes to food. And sure, balance matters, but we often overlook the psychological side of eating.
Food is more than fuel. It’s memory, comfort, connection.
Like M&M cookies. My Safta played a huge role in my life, and when I quit drinking 14 years ago, those cookies were a lifeline. I’d sit outside a grocery store with two M&M cookies, crying, feeling both ashamed (these aren’t good for me) and deeply comforted (these taste like safety, like childhood, like time with her). Even now, I can smell that bakery, feel the crinkle of the little pastry bag, and remember the joy of sharing a cookie with her.
Or popcorn and M&Ms (clearly my family was big on M&Ms). When I was a kid, we’d go to the movies, and my mom showed me the magic of dumping M&Ms into popcorn. Salty. Sweet. Bliss. For most of my menstruating life, part of PMS was craving popcorn and M&Ms.
We spend so much time shaming ourselves over food that we forget to ask: What else might be driving this craving?
Instead of falling down the shame spiral, what if we got curious?
Questions I Ask Myself:
How do I feel mentally and emotionally after I eat this?
How do I want to feel?
Am I riding the glucose roller-coaster? Does my energy spike and crash mentally/physically?
Does this food energize and sustain me or leave me irritable and exhausted?
How does my body feel? Joint or abdominal pain? Brain fog? Bloating? Reflux? Diarrhea?
Is this meeting an emotional need or triggering nostalgia (ahem, Saftas cookies)?
Is this a choice or is something else driving the bus? (Candida overgrowth? Nutrient deficiency? Feelings?)
What if there’s no right or wrong—just awareness and the choice to decide how you want to feel?
We can’t change what we aren’t aware of.
I love research. I love data. But the best research? Learning to tune into your own body.
As Brené Brown says: “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”
So, let’s change the conversation. Let’s swap shame for curiosity. Let’s recognize that food is more than just nutrients—it’s part of our story, our emotions, and our lives. And maybe, just maybe, the more we accept this, the more freedom we find.
